For many Americans, this sacred act of remembrance lasts a single day. But for the surviving families of our fallen heroes, every day is Memorial Day. Every sunrise brings another day without a beloved son or daughter, husband or wife, brother, sister, father, mother, or friend. Every gathering carries the quiet ache of an empty chair at the table, a voice no longer heard, a future forever changed.

Their sacrifice did not end on the battlefield. It lives on in the hearts of the families who carry the weight of that loss each and every day.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) understands this, and is there every day of the year, with open arms to welcome all those grieving a military loss. TAPS helps survivors find hope and healing, share the story of their loved one’s life and service, and carry their legacy forward with love, purpose, and enduring connection.

Founded by Bonnie Carroll, whose husband died in an Army plane crash in 1992 along with seven other Soldiers, TAPS is the leading national organization providing compassionate care to the families of America’s fallen military heroes. TAPS offers support to these families through peer-based emotional support, connections with grief and trauma resources, grief seminars and retreats for adults and children, casework assistance, and the 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline, all at no cost. TAPS promises to light the path and to walk alongside survivors as they navigate their grief journey.

This Memorial Day, Americans across our nation will gather to honor the men and women who gave their lives in service to our country. We will pause in gratitude, reflect on their courage, and remember the profound sacrifice made in defense of freedom.

As we honor our fallen heroes, may we also remember the families they left behind. The spouses learning to carry on alone. The parents whose hearts will forever ache for the child they buried. The siblings, children, loved ones, and friends who quietly carry grief through every ordinary moment of life.

For one day, a grateful nation surrounds them with ceremonies, flags, and words of remembrance. But when the crowds disperse and the ceremonies end, their loss remains. For the other 364 days of the year, there are no parades, no public tributes, no flowers arriving at the door. There is only the daily reality of loving and missing someone whose absence changed everything.

These families carry the true and enduring cost of war and service. And for them, every day is Memorial Day.

I sent Jesse packages two to three times a week with things he needed and goodies he wanted. Always thinking of others, one day Jesse asked if I could send packages to a couple of his battle buddies who weren’t receiving mail. No one was ever lonely or upset in his presence, and he couldn’t stand his fellow soldiers not feeling supported. So, for the next 11 months, I mailed packages to Jesse and 15 other soldiers in his unit based in Baghdad, Iraq.

Jesse was killed on Jan. 7, 2004. He left behind his wife and two babies.

I was lost and suddenly without purpose. My husband suggested I keep sending packages, but Jesse’s unit was now home.

Rediscovering Purpose

I eventually got the name of a soldier in Afghanistan. I wrote him a letter asking if I could send him a care package with toiletries and snacks. I’m sure he must have thought: A crazy woman in California wants to send me things, sure!

Once again, I bought supplies and goodies and rediscovered my rhythm of packing and shipping. In each package, I included a letter asking for the name of any soldier who wasn’t receiving mail. My one soldier soon became five, then 15, then 50! It was then that my friend, Stephanie, suggested we form a nonprofit organization. And, so, Packed with Pride was founded.

Names of Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines from all over the world came in, and once word got out, we began receiving donations — from $5 to $500 — allowing us to buy supplies and ship hundreds of boxes. What began in my living room eventually moved to the garage. Before long, even the garage was too tight for our operations.

Pitching In

Volunteers — including parents of service members who received one of our packages — helped with packing. Businesses, including Starbucks and See’s Candy, donated items. And a local church offered Packed with Pride their old youth building — space to accommodate our growing operation.

Packed with Pride operated for 10 years, sending over 60,000 packages to hundreds of men and women serving in the military. I have binders full of letters thanking us for the boxes — letters that brought us joy and encouragement.

Find Your Place, Make a Difference

Throughout our 10 years, I spoke at churches, service organizations, and anywhere else I could find an audience. Each time, I talked about Jesse. That helped me to heal. With each engagement, speaking about him and our loss became easier.

In serving the deployed, I found a way to keep Jesse’s memory alive and continue his legacy of supporting others. But you don’t need to start a nonprofit to be of service. The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) has supported all those grieving a death in the military and veteran communities for over 30 years. Through TAPS, you step into that circle of support — volunteer as a Military Mentor for grieving children, lend a hand at events, or host a fundraiser that brings hope and critical funding to survivors.

Visit TAPS.org/Fundraise to learn how you can be of service.

When facing the holidays in grief, the goal doesn’t have to be simply getting through them. Though painful, this can be a time of amazing growth and transformation. These six tips can help.

1) Admit the Pain of Holiday Grieving

Like the 12-step movement reminds us, we must first admit that this season is tough. There is an empty chair at the table, and that hurts. Because it hurts, there is no need to try to escape it, but acknowledging the grief is admitting that this year is different.

2) Set the Pace for Celebrating

Well-meaning friends and family may want you to attend parties and gatherings, hoping to cheer you up. You may want to participate in some events, but remember that grief is tiring and — even under the best circumstances — the holidays are taxing. You have permission to say no, even to well-intentioned invitations.

3) Evaluate Your Traditions and Create at Least One New One

Your list of holiday traditions may include a dozen or more activities — when you decorate the house, where and when you worship during the holidays, in whose home you share a family meal, and perhaps many others. Since you can’t keep everything like it was, evaluate what you do for the holidays and determine which traditions you want to preserve. And, don’t be afraid to enlist help.

You can also add a new activity, like lighting a candle or hanging a special ornament in honor of the person you lost. Other options, like providing gifts to a family in need or volunteering at a local feeding program or senior living facility, carry on a legacy of service and offer connection.

4) Take Care of Your Physical Well-Being

Eating a well-balanced diet, getting adequate rest, and participating in appropriate exercise for your abilities are essential to the bereavement process and contribute to a positive attitude and outlook. Grief is stressful, so make sure you are carefully monitoring consumption of less healthy foods and potentially harmful substances: caffeine, processed sugar, alcohol, and other addictive chemicals, animal fats, and processed foods. Be sure you are also drinking plenty of water, and talk with your health care professional about changes to your diet and exercise.

5) Consider Your Spirituality

The holidays have spiritual roots. Worshipping with your faith community or having a discussion with a spiritual leader can be comforting this time of year, especially in grief when you may be searching for meaning or spiritual truths.

6) Embrace Memories of Holidays Past

Things won’t be like they were, but we can hold in our hearts the memories of days gone by. Write your favorite stories in a journal. Look through photos in an album or on your phone. These are probably painful at first, but they help us face the future by celebrating with gratitude what we had in the past.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) supports all those grieving a death in the military and veteran community. Call the 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline any time — including holidays, or visit TAPS.org for resources and peer support.

“It’s upside down, but that’s intentional. When I show my Airmen, they can read it,” Parker explains. “After my first few suicide interventions as a chaplain, I kept finding myself saying, ‘If you don’t have anyone you can think of who wants you to stay, know your chaplain wants you to stay.’” The tattoo is a permanent reminder to all her Airmen that their lives matter, even when words aren’t ready to flow.

The Numbers Tell the Story

And sometimes it’s hard to find the words and the courage to open up about thoughts of suicide, especially in a culture that emphasizes strength and resilience. In addition to suicide’s lingering stigma, service members may fear negative career impacts and judgment from peers, subordinates, or superiors if they seek help.

Despite these fears and the isolation that thoughts of suicide can bring, in 2023, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that 12.8 million adults seriously thought about suicide; 3.7 million made a plan; and 1.5 million made an attempt, making suicidal thoughts and actions far more common than many realize.

Second only to illness loss, suicide losses accounted for nearly one-third of all survivors from the military and veteran communities who were connected with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors in 2024. Each of those suicide-loss survivors represents the widely cited average of 135 people impacted by a single suicide — family members, friends, battle buddies, and social acquaintances.

Each of those 135 individuals exposed to a suicide is now statistically four times more likely to have thoughts of suicide themselves; but, immediate, safe postvention care dramatically reduces this risk. “Postvention, the support following a suicide that promotes recovery and healing, must be a critical component of any suicide prevention strategy,” says TAPS’ Vice President of Suicide Prevention, Intervention, and Postvention Dr. Carla Stumpf Patton. It’s about tending to the unique grief of suicide loss and preventing further suicide losses, and it’s an important part of the job for Capt. Parker, her fellow chaplains, and TAPS.

Suicide Postvention Is Prevention

For many of the same reasons why it can be hard to open up about suicidal thoughts, military and veteran suicide-loss survivors may struggle navigating their grief and reaching out for help. TAPS understands that connecting with a peer — someone who has experienced similar grief and is now ready to support a fellow suicide-loss survivor — is critical to navigating this complex grief. The stigma falls away, and the survivor is understood — even if words aren’t ready to flow.

Through stabilization, grief, and growth, TAPS is dedicated to the mission of prevention through postvention. For anyone grieving the loss of someone in the military or veteran community: There is hope, and you have a place at TAPS. In the words of Capt. Parker, “The most valuable resource we have is each other.”

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (press 1 for the Veterans Crisis Line), or text 838255. TAPS offers 24/7 peer-based support for anyone grieving the loss of someone in the military and veteran community, including anyone impacted by a service member or veteran suicide: Call the TAPS 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline at 800-959-TAPS (8277), or visit TAPS.org for more information.

The annual Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) Good Grief Camp — a camp just for children who have lost a loved one who served in the U.S. armed forces — is held alongside the National Military Survivor Seminar for surviving adults over Memorial Day weekend in Arlington, Virginia.

Dempsey, with 600 children seated cross-legged all around him, invited questions from the group. Though each child carried the weight of profound loss, questions were light and generally military-focused — medals, missions, and the like.

Then, encouraged by her Military Mentor, 4-year-old Lizzie Yaggy raised her hand. She meant to ask a question about sports, but as Lizzie, now 18, recalls, “My mind blanked. So, I just asked, ‘Is my daddy an angel?’”

Lizzie lost her father, Marine Corps Major David Yaggy, before her second birthday. He was a decorated pilot and instructor, deeply admired by his peers, and tragically killed during a routine training flight with VT-6 based at NAS Whiting Field in March 2008. Lizzie’s memories of her dad come mostly from stories, photos, and TAPS.

A long pause echoed through the hushed room while all eyes were on Dempsey for an answer. When the answer finally came, Lizzie and the entire room found comfort in it: “Yes, of course he is.”

To further lift the children’s spirits, Dempsey did something no one expected; he began to sing. The tune wasn’t a hymn or military cadence, it was a silly, cheerful, and wonderfully odd camp song that has since become a beloved TAPS tradition: “The Unicorn.” As the children joined in singing and acting out the song’s lyrics, joy filled the room.

That moment — Lizzie’s question, Dempsey’s answer, and the song — was a turning point for Lizzie and the hundreds of children who have found comfort in the rituals and rhythms of Good Grief Camp.

Today, “The Unicorn” song opens every TAPS Good Grief Camp, bridging sadness and strength, and reminding the youngest survivors that they aren’t alone.

What makes Good Grief Camp extraordinary isn’t just the programming; it’s the people. Each child is paired with a Military Mentor — a service member or veteran who volunteers their weekend to support a grieving child. These mentors and senior leaders like General Dempsey represent a living connection to a child’s military heritage. They represent comfort and courage, and are reminders that their military family always remembers its own.

Because TAPS receives no federal funding, Good Grief Camp exists thanks to the generosity of donors, especially the New York Life Foundation and the Hartwell Foundation. Their support creates safe, loving spaces where children can talk about grief without shame, laugh without guilt, and find hope through community.

“There is no other place like Good Grief Camp,” says Maria Collins, Vice President of the New York Life Foundation. “We are proud to help create an environment where children find hope, healing, and a sense of belonging.”

For Lizzie, it’s more than a camp — it’s where she learned to smile again, where she saw herself reflected in others, and where her father’s legacy lives on through songs, stories, and shared strength.

To support children like Lizzie, visit taps.org/donate. To become a Military Mentor, visit taps.org/support.

Because no child should ever have to grieve alone.

TAPS will be joined on Capitol Hill by surviving families from all over the country from Sept. 23-26 for TAPS Gold Star Families Advocacy Week. Survivors as young as 8 years old will share with members of the House and Senate how they have been personally impacted by the issues below — TAPS’ legislative priorities. Their powerful stories will lead the way to change for the entire military survivor community.

Pass Comprehensive Remarriage Legislation

The Love Lives On Act is a top legislative priority for TAPS. It seeks to secure surviving military spouses’ right to remarry at any age and retain their survivor benefits. The Love Lives On Act would:

● Allow surviving spouses to retain their benefits upon remarriage at any age (removing the current age requirement, 55). This includes the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP), Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC), and education benefits under the Fry Scholarship and Dependents Education Assistance (DEA).

● Allow remarried surviving spouses to regain their TRICARE benefits if their remarriage ends due to death, divorce, or annulment.

● Remove the “Hold Themselves Out to Be Remarried” clause.

Improve Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) for Eligible Surviving Spouses

TAPS continues to work with Congress to pass the Caring for Survivors Act, which would bring Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) payments in line with benefits for surviving spouses of federal employees. DIC is a tax-free monetary benefit paid to eligible survivors of military service members who died in the line of duty or from a service-connected injury or illness. TAPS continues to work with Congress to:

● Increase DIC from 43 percent to 55 percent the rate of compensation paid to a 100 percent disabled veteran.

● Reduce the timeframe a veteran needs to be rated totally disabled from 10 to five years, expanding DIC eligibility.

Provide Tricare and Civilian Health and Medical Program for the Department of Veterans Affairs (CHAMPVA) Young Adult Coverage in Parity with the Affordable Care Act (ACA)

TAPS supports the Health Care Fairness for Military Families Act, which would allow TRICARE young adults to remain on their parent’s policy up to age 26 without a premium increase, and TAPS seeks to expand coverage for eligible surviving children up to age 26 through the passage of the CHAMPVA Children’s Care Protection Act. TAPS is committed to working with Congress to:

● Pass the CHAMPVA Children’s Care Protection Act to ensure surviving families with young adults have access to affordable health care and mental health benefits.

● Pass the Health Care Fairness for Military Families Act, which would allow TRICARE young adults to remain on their parent’s policy up to age 26 without a premium increase.

Ashlynne was 10 years old when her father died. The following month, over Memorial Day weekend, she found herself apprehensively attending her first Good Grief Camp alongside other surviving children. She later shared this camp was one of the best things that ever happened to her. “For the first time since my dad died…I was normal,” she recalls. From the atmosphere, mentors, and fellow campers, she returned home empowered to move forward with grief in one hand and gratitude in the other.

In the time between her first Good Grief Camp in 2002 and high school graduation in 2009, Ashlynne and her family were regulars at TAPS events. As a teen, Ashlynne jumped at the chance to mentor young Good Grief Campers. “It was the natural next step in healing,” Ashlynne shares, “passing on that support TAPS showed me the first time I walked into camp and every day since.”

Ashlynne carried forward her father’s legacy of service, and she learned by watching her mother, Nichole, that legislation impacting survivors needed critical attention. As Ashlynne shared in a 2019 op-ed for The Oklahoman, the “Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs of $1,200 per month [was] nowhere close to my dad’s salary…” To supplement this, Nichole was also eligible to receive Jeffrey’s retirement benefits and Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP). “Initially,” Ashlynne went on to write, “my mom was under the impression we would receive both the DIC and SBP payments, only to learn later that for every dollar we received in DIC, we [lost] a dollar in SBP.” This has long been referred to as the Widow’s Tax within the survivor community. Ashlynne’s mom was not about to leave this for the next family to deal with. She leaned in, learned, and advocated on Capitol Hill with Ashlynne in tow.

Walking the halls of the Capitol alongside her mom fighting for survivor benefits sparked Ashlynne’s love for policy and advocacy, which led her to pursue political science at American University in Washington, D.C. In school and at TAPS, Ashlynne thrived — balancing education and service, just as her father taught her.

But, in 2011, Ashlynne again faced a devastating loss when her mother died by suicide, and she was left to navigate adulthood, survivor benefits, and college expenses amid grief and on her own.

She was not alone, though. TAPS was in her corner, and with the organization’s help, Ashlynne graduated. She joined the TAPS staff after graduation and was committed to creating an education portal that simplified and streamlined federal, state, and private benefits for survivors seeking postsecondary education. Ashlynne’s creation, now referred to as TAPS Education Support Services, continues to assist surviving family members with education benefits today. In the last five years alone, it identified $1.6 billion in education funding for survivors.

Ashlynne now channels her dedication to the survivor community into advocating for survivor policy and benefits on Capitol Hill as the TAPS Deputy Director of Government and Legislative Affairs. She’s been an integral part of landmark legislation, including the passage of the Forever GI Bill, the ongoing appeal to pass the Love Lives On Act, and the accomplishment that makes her most proud, the legislation that sparked her interest in advocacy years ago — eliminating the Widow’s Tax. “It was a 20-year battle, and while my mom never got to see it through, I wanted to personally continue that fight in her memory,” Ashlynne shared.

From her early days as a Good Grief Camper to becoming a respected advocate for survivors on Capitol Hill, Ashlynne embodies the precious task of carrying forward her parents’ legacies — service, education, and advocacy. And, somewhere along the way, she began to weave a legacy for the survivor community that is all her own.

This article is adapted from “The Legacy Lives On,” originally published in TAPS Magazine. Read the full version at taps.org.

As the one-year anniversary of the historic PACT Act signing approaches, the Department of Veterans Affairs — with support from the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS — is ramping up an already aggressive campaign to deliver the legislation’s promised benefits and increased presumptions to veterans who were exposed to toxins while serving and family members who have lost a loved one to a service-connected illness. The urgency to file is the fast-approaching Aug. 9 deadline. Veterans and survivors who wish to qualify for backdated benefits must submit their claims or intent to file by Aug. 9, 2023.

It is important to note that there is no deadline to apply for benefits under PACT Act in general, but the financial impact of these retroactive benefits could be significant. The VA and TAPS encourage veterans, caregivers, and illness-loss survivors to submit their applications as soon as possible to maximize their benefits.

TAPS is specifically working on outreach to those who lost a family member to service-connected illness. “Both TAPS and our partners at the VA understand that filing claims is not just the act of electronically filing paperwork,” states Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President. “For surviving family members, choosing to revisit the circumstances of loss is a difficult decision, and navigating government forms can be intimidating for those who are grieving. TAPS is standing ready to guide illness-loss survivors through the VA’s streamlined process.”

After learning about the PACT Act and being told she might be eligible for benefits, surviving spouse, Kerrie Wieners, expected a fight, but after years of caretaking, the tragic loss of her husband, and years of navigating grief, she admitted, “I didn’t have a fight left in me.”

Kerrie’s late husband, Robert F. Wieners, Jr., a U.S. Army Reserve veteran, died in April of 2011 after developing lung cancer caused by prolonged exposure to burn pits while deployed to Iraq shortly after 9/11. Kerrie recalls the many satellite phone calls she got from Bob while he was in Iraq. In addition to his words of love and reassurance — and even humor — in those phone calls, Kerrie remembers, even then, his talk of burn pits stuck out to her.

Bob came home to her and their two children after that deployment, but Kerrie noticed a change. “He was hurt.” But it wasn’t until he was recovering after neck and back surgery that they would discover how hurt Bob really was. His physical therapist discovered blood clots in both of Bob’s legs. He instructed Bob to see his primary care doctor and not to leave until he knew what was wrong.

In an attempt to find the cause of the blood clots, Bob’s medical team — seemingly by accident — discovered a brain bleed. Further testing revealed a baseball-sized mass in his chest. The eventual diagnosis was stage 4 lung cancer. Kerrie’s immediate question was, “How long does he have?” and the answer was six months.

Kerrie shares that it took four six-month life expectancy estimates before Bob eventually lost his battle with cancer — a testament to the fight he had in him.

Years later, Kerrie wondered if she could fight like that. After a previous denial for VA benefits, could she try again? Would she be successful, and would it be worth it? Not knowing who to turn to for help, she looked to TAPS. A process that she thought would take years — and even then held no promise of benefits at the finish line — was much shorter. Within minutes, a TAPS caseworker assured her that if Bob’s death certificate cited lung cancer, she would get PACT Act benefits. Her forms were drawn up, she signed electronically, and she was referred to a local contact for in-person support.

Just weeks later, Kerrie received a check from the Department of the Treasury — a check she thought would never come. After the shock wore off, she faced another emotion: guilt.

She asked herself, “Do I deserve this? Am I just being greedy?” But, her message to any illness-loss survivor hesitant to file a PACT Act claim is this: The barriers between survivors and benefits aren’t always visible. The VA has done tremendous work to right a complicated process and expand benefits that were once only available to a narrow population of veterans. But legislation isn’t always enough. What might be holding a survivor back from filing are the things they carry — the perceived intimidation of the process, the desire not to reopen emotional wounds, and the guilt rooted in collecting benefits they deserve, but may not think they need.

Illness-loss survivors do not have to face the process alone. Kerrie shares simply, “If I didn’t have help, I wouldn’t have benefits.” TAPS was that help for Kerrie, and — Ms. Carroll shares — “TAPS is standing by to support all illness-loss survivors in pursuit of retroactive PACT Act benefits through the Aug. 9 deadline, and, as we have been for nearly 30 years, we will remain a constant source of support and resources for all those grieving the death of a military or veteran loved one.”

Visit va.gov/pact to begin filing your claim today, and taps.org/pactact for filing assistance and support.

Continue reading about Kerrie Wieners’ experience and the veteran and survivor advocacy work of Jon Stewart and TAPS.

This historic law ensures that over 3.5 million veterans of multiple generations who were exposed to burn pits, toxins, and airborne hazards while deployed are eligible to apply for immediate, lifelong access to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) health care and benefits for their families, caregivers, and survivors.

Today, the VA estimates that there are over 382,000 potential survivors who may be eligible for PACT Act-related benefits. In 2022 alone, nearly 9,000 newly bereaved military survivors came to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS, for care. Thirty percent were grieving the death of a loved one due to illness — surpassing all other circumstances of death, including hostile action.

For years, TAPS has listened to stories of illness-loss survivors and given them a platform to elevate their voices. Each shared story helped TAPS shed light on the darkness of precious time lost, misdiagnoses, and a battle no one saw coming.

With like-minded veteran and military service organizations, TAPS became a founding member of the Toxic Exposure in the American Military (TEAM) Coalition. The TAPS Government and Legislative Affairs team worked with Members of Congress, congressional leaders, the Biden Administration, the VA, more than 60 veteran and military organizations, and veteran and survivor advocates — including Jon Stewart and John Feal — to ensure the passage of the PACT Act.

On Aug. 2, 2022, TAPS Director of Government and Legislative Affairs Candace Wheeler sat in the Senate gallery, shoulder-to-shoulder with fellow toxic-exposure advocates as each senator walked across the floor of the historic Senate Chamber to cast their vote, and on Aug. 10, 2022, she watched President Biden sign the PACT Act into law.

This historic legislation and the wave of change that followed would not have been possible without the surviving families who courageously shared their stories — the grieving hearts that found purpose in advocating for the families that would follow them. Because of them, other families will have hope instead of darkness, and lives will be saved.

The passage of the PACT Act is a victory, but the work does not stop. Illness loss is now the leading cause of military death. Each year, more survivors whose loved ones died due to toxic-exposure illness connect with TAPS for grief support and help navigating their benefits. TAPS remains committed to promoting a better-shared understanding of illnesses that may result from exposure to toxins and ensuring survivors of illness loss receive the benefits they deserve. That is why TAPS is working with the VA to encourage toxic-exposed veterans and survivors to file a claim for PACT Act-related benefits or apply for VA health care. Our shared mission is a promise kept to the men and women who served this nation and the families-turned-caregivers behind them.

Veterans and survivors can file PACT Act claims or apply for benefits by visiting va.gov/pact. Surviving families in need of casework assistance should call 800-959-TAPS (8277) or email casework@taps.org.

“As a nation, it is our moral obligation to care for our veterans, their families, caregivers, and survivors. With the passage of the historic PACT Act, we have finally kept that sacred promise.”

Candace Wheeler, Director of Government and Legislative Affairs, TAPS

Alice Daniel, Surviving Mother of SSG William Austin Daniel, U.S. Army, Louisiana National Guard

A mother doesn’t forget the first time her child calls out for her. That sweet voice imprints on her heart forever. A cry from the comfort of a crib, a tear-streaked “Mom!” from beside a downed bicycle as he clutches a skinned knee — no matter. She will run to him and do everything in her power — despite the obstacles — to protect her child, stop the hurt, calm the fears.

Some mothers — the mothers who have to face the untimely death of their child — never forget the last time that same sweet voice calls out to her. SSG William Austin Daniel called out to his mother, Alice Daniel, for the final time on Sept. 7, 2009, from his hospital bed, “Mom, what’s happening to me?”

Before she could stop his pain or calm his fears, he was gone. Alice’s heart broke; she couldn’t protect Austin this time. She couldn’t rewind the clock and hear his voice just one more time. She couldn’t undo what the burn pits in Iraq set into motion years ago.

Austin was only 33 years old when he lost his nearly year-long battle with cancer. He was Alice’s oldest son. He had a beautiful wife and a daughter who looks just like her dad. He survived a deployment to Camp Victory in Baghdad, Iraq, with the 256th Infantry Brigade despite Alice’s mounting fear each time she heard news of yet another roadside bomb, or the time she heard mortars for herself in the background of a call with Austin. Spared from each of these obvious dangers, it was something quiet, in the end, that took her son — toxic exposure from Camp Victory’s burn pits. It was something so quiet that Austin’s doctors didn’t suspect toxic exposure. How could Alice have known?

It was in November of 2008 when Austin was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease. Alice remembers being shocked, betrayed by the safety she thought blanketed her family. After all, not one, but two of her sons made it back home to her after their deployments. Life for them and for her — the mother carefully watching over her boys — was normal now with marriages, grandbabies, and jobs without IEDs and bullets. When she least expected it, a presumed genetic defect — a fluke — had taken her precious son away from her, away from his wife, away from his daughter.

Alice’s life without Austin was a little darker. She smiled less; Austin was good at making her smile. She was angry. She searched for the why in her grief.

She found her why in connecting with other survivors at TAPS, other mothers who — just like her — knew the pain of experiencing the last time their child called out for them. Through their conversations, she learned that Austin was not the only service member to come home safe only to develop cancer or another strange, terminal illness. She learned the term “burn pit.”

Armed with this new information, Alice did what any mother would do. She spoke out. She snapped into action. If she couldn’t protect her Austin, she would tell his story in hopes that she could help other service members — other mothers’ sons. In her action and advocacy, she found her strength. She found purpose after loss.

In her mind she still hears Austin’s sweet voice, whispering softly, “Mama, I’m OK.” He reminds her it’s OK to smile; it’s OK to laugh again; and though he’s gone, she will always be Austin Daniel’s mom.

“I didn’t know about the exposure. I didn’t learn about burn pits until I started going to TAPS.”

Alice Daniel

Coleen Bowman, Surviving Spouse of SGM Robert Bowman, U.S. Army

Quiet reflection, sharing regrets and wishes for the future, and savoring each “last” surrounded by loved ones are the bittersweet parting gifts of a terminal illness. It was in one of these sobering moments that Coleen’s husband, U.S. Army SGM Robert Bowman, spoke the words that would breathe new life into Coleen after his death.

“Promise me that you’ll tell my story. If this is how God is taking me, and I am the face of toxic exposures, I’m happy to do that for the men behind me. But tell my story,” he said, “so that we can help protect the others that are going to follow me.”

SGM Bowman died six months later — on a Sunday in January in 2013. He was 44 years old. SGM Bowman, or just “Rob” to Coleen, entered the U.S. Army a healthy young man. He served fearlessly; leadership came naturally; and, in Coleen’s words, “he was a picture of health,” before his second deployment to Iraq. He never failed an Army fitness test, and he’d never been on sick call in his 20 years of service. But, Rob returned from Iraq ill.

It took six months of medical appointments and misdiagnoses before Rob was diagnosed with inoperable, stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma — bile duct cancer. When the diagnosis finally came, Rob’s treating physician concluded his rare cancer was absolutely a result of environmental factors. Whether the cancer was a product of the open-air burn pit in Iraq that burned nearby day and night or the 10-plus IED strikes his armored vehicle endured, each stirring up particulate matter, remains unknown. But Coleen is sure that knowing what he was exposed to would have given Rob’s medical team — given Rob — a fighting chance. It would have bought them precious time. The cancer might have been caught sooner; it could have been operable. Very plainly, had they known earlier, Rob might still be alive today.

Instead, Coleen watched her husband gradually grow sicker over a span of months. More time, early detection, streamlined processes for care, and general awareness — all things that Coleen desperately wished for Rob — were not options for his fight. “That is why,” Coleen says, “my family and I are extremely grateful for the passage of the PACT Act. Simply put, this bill will save lives.”

Coleen was in attendance the day President Biden signed the PACT Act into law on Aug. 10, 2022. Rob’s words stuck with her even after his death, “Promise me you’ll tell my story.” For 20 years and four days, Coleen and Rob were a team. They faced military life together; they led together; and cared for their fellow soldiers and their families together. But, Coleen knew that she would have to face this last challenge alone. It was up to her alone to tell Rob’s story. She would be Rob’s “last gift of leadership” to the soldiers behind him.

Up to the very end, Rob remained positive, fearless, and in awe of his wife’s support. Shortly before his death, he shared, “She is the reason why I’m still here.”

Jan. 13, 2023, marked 10 years since Coleen lost Rob, but her advocacy and her determination to tell Rob’s story were a driving force behind the PACT Act. With Rob’s words as her guide, she continues what he started: protecting the soldiers behind him and caring for their families. She found her purpose after loss in telling Rob’s story, raising awareness for toxic exposure, and being a voice for improved care. She is still the reason Rob is still here.

“Promise me that you’ll tell my story.”

SGM Robert Bowman, U.S. Army

Danielle Robinson, Surviving Spouse of SFC Heath Robinson, Ohio Army National Guard

It happens in an instant at military homecomings across the country — a simple action that is easily overlooked. Guard down, relieved to be home, service members drop their packs before melting into the embrace of loved ones. They are safe; their battle is over.

Danielle Robinson felt that relief when she wrapped her arms around her husband, SFC Heath Robinson of the Ohio National Guard, upon his return from Kosovo in 2005 and Iraq in 2007 — each time assuming the danger had passed.

But Danielle couldn’t know a very real threat followed Heath home. Heath, couldn’t know that the burn pit that burned just yards from his guard post in Baghdad, Iraq, had already changed the course of his life. Instead, life returned to normal. Heath continued to be a model soldier — earning the title of Ohio National Guard NCO Soldier of the Year in 2012 and 2013, running a half-marathon in July of 2016, even setting his sights on Army Ranger School — until, suddenly, he couldn’t keep up. Danielle would come home at the end of the workday to find Heath asleep on the couch — fatigued from a typical day of work.

The exhaustion was followed by nosebleeds, blisters in Heath’s mouth and nose, trips to specialists, misdiagnoses, and — finally — on a Wednesday in March of 2017 a diagnosis of stage 4 adenocarcinoma — an extremely rare form of lung cancer caused by prolonged exposure to toxic substances. He was not expected to live longer than six weeks. The oncologist insisted Heath begin end-of-life preparations and aggressive treatments to buy precious time. It was time to pick up the pack he’d laid at their feet upon returning from his last deployment to battle, this time, for his life.

Heath bravely faced his cancer, but Danielle couldn’t get past the question of how. How did a healthy, nonsmoker with no history of lung cancer suddenly have just weeks to live? The oncologist’s question to Heath kept ringing in her ears, “What have you been exposed to?” Days later, after receiving a burn-pit article from a friend and asking Heath if he was around anything like that while deployed; she had her crushing answer. In both Kosovo and Iraq, Heath was in close proximity to burn pits — standing guard just 20-30 yards from one in Iraq for months.

Heath’s battle — punctuated with hospital stays, surgeries, and treatments — lasted three years. Alongside him, Danielle fought through treatment and benefit denials; she advocated for burn-pit accountability and comprehensive care for service members with toxic exposure-related illnesses.

Heath was just 39 years old when he lost his hard-fought battle against lung cancer on May 6, 2020 — laying his pack at Danielle’s feet a final time.

In honor of her husband, Danielle’s battle continued. She understood that someone had to fight for the families behind them. So, tired and grieving, with Heath’s pack in her hand now, she became that someone.

After more than two years of advocating and appealing to members of Congress, more than two years after Heath’s death, Danielle stood beside President Biden as he signed The Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring our Promises to Address Comprehensive Toxics Act of 2022, the PACT Act. Heath’s fight — her fight — immortalized in the name of legislation that would change the future of military-connected toxic exposures. It couldn’t save Heath, but it would save others.

As President Biden shared about Danielle on the day of the PACT Act signing, “Heath was a fighter to the very end. He didn’t know how to stop fighting, and neither did she.”

“It was his dying wish. He knew it was too late for him…He just wanted to know his brothers and sisters were going to be taken care of…”

Danielle Robinson

Since the start of Russia’s war on Ukraine, the city of Dnipro has become a hot spot for humanitarian aid. Located along the Dnieper River and just 200 miles north of Mariupol, the city has taken in thousands of refugees and has been a refuge for Ukrainian soldiers. For people like Elena Shilova, the surviving widow of Sergey Shilova who was killed while fighting in the Donbass region in 2015, Dnipro is home. And like her husband before her, she’s dedicated her life to defending her home.

Shilova works for TAPS Ukraine, a nonprofit providing support for Ukrainians who are grieving the death of their military loved ones. Founded in 2018 and modeled after the US-based nonprofit the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), just a few short months ago TAPS Ukraine was offering seminars, retreats, professional counseling, and resources on grief and trauma to Ukrainian surviving families. However, today, the organization has shifted its focus and is now leading one of the country’s largest humanitarian aid hubs.

Currently, TAPS Ukraine is on the ground in Dnipro running the Coordination Headquarters of Dnipro, a space providing care for the Ukrainian Army, National Guard, National Police, and internally displaced persons (IDPs). Run in partnership with the Dnipro Mayor’s Office, the headquarters is providing food, medicine, and housing to more than 10,000 people daily and is currently helping meet the needs of the Ukrainian army.

“My husband gave his life for our country,” said Shilova. “Now, I am defending the country my husband fought and died for. We are fighting for our freedom in Ukraine, just as so many others do around the world. I want peace for my children and for my country. And I will do my part to ensure peace returns to Ukraine.”

Like Shilova, surviving daughter Olha Shakhnyk is also in Dnipro working at the Coordination Headquarters. Shakhnyk’s father was killed in Ukraine in 2014, and she recently spoke to CNN about the work she and her mother are doing through TAPS Ukraine.

“The organization where my mother works, TAPS Ukraine, is dealing with thousands and thousands of refugees who have had to flee,” Shakhnyk told CNN from Dnipro. “The flow of refugees in Dnipro is enormous because it’s one of the biggest cities that’s not involved in frontline battles right now. At the same time, TAPS Ukraine is gathering humanitarian help to send to frontline soldiers. There’s a lot of work to do, and it’s just ordinary people volunteering to defend what they love. They don’t want to leave it.”

According to Dnipro Mayor Borys Filatov, the need in Dnipro expands by the day. With floods of refugees from Ukraine’s eastern cities filing through, their need for aid continues to grow.

“I start every morning by reading factual wartime reports,” Filatov said in a letter to TAPS. “How many medical supplies are left in hospitals for the wounded? Are there enough body bags for those who could not be saved? How much food is left to feed the people? Will Dnipro be able to provide food and everything necessary for the tens of thousands of refugees coming to us on a daily basis?”

Because of this immense relief work being done the area, Dnipro has recently become a target for Russian bombing. Over the past few weeks, apartment complexes, a kindergarten, and, most recently, the Dnipro airport have all been destroyed. Yet, despite the continually worsening circumstances, the team behind TAPS Ukraine—a group Filatov called the city’s “lifeline”—isn’t letting up and is dedicated to fighting for the nation their loved ones died defending.

Before the recent invasion, more than 14,000 Ukrainians had died since 2014 while fighting for their country. They left countless spouses, children, siblings, and parents behind. Since February 24, 2022, this number has grown tremendously. And while, like the rest of the world, the team behind TAPS Ukraine may not know what the future of their country holds, they know the need for their work is now larger than ever before.

“We are very grateful to all people who’ve sent money, who’ve sent help, who have helped in any way they can from all over the world,” Shakhnyk said as she closed her segment. “We see you, we see each of you and we are very grateful because it gives us the opportunity to help people who need it the most right now.”

For those interested in getting involved with TAPS Ukraine’s mission, they can donate directly to their cause where funds are currently being used to support the organization and distribution of food, medicine, and supplies to those in need. You can also keep up with TAPS Ukraine through their Facebook page where their team is sharing updates from Dnipro.