“We’ve been working on this for a while, but I don’t really think we’re getting anywhere,” said Elizabeth Davis, a military widow since her husband was killed by a drunk driver 18 months ago. “I’ve got all these kind words from lawmakers, but most really don’t seem willing to make the effort to fix anything.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
At issue is a host of payouts and benefits for surviving spouses, and a complex bureaucracy of rules covering them. In short, if a widow or widower of service members killed on active duty remarries before age 55, they lose all survivor benefits, which can total thousands of dollars a month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lawmakers’ The <\/span>latest lawmaker <\/span>attempt to change that came Wednesday <\/span>from Rep. Dina Titus, D-Nev., who introduced an amendment to related legislation dealing with survivor benefits. Committee Republicans rebuffed the measure, citing the potential $1 billion-plus cost of the change <\/span>over the next decade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “They use the excuse that it’s too expensive, but they don’t mind spending money on all kinds of other programs,” Titus said after the vote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Maybe it’s just the old tradition that you’re supposed to be a widow your whole life and grieve for the lost person, as opposed to starting over. But these are young women with young children. They have their whole lives ahead of them. But we artificially bind them to widowhood, and that makes no sense.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Davis and other widows said they have no intention of remarrying, even if they fall in love again. The financial burden is too great, especially when health care and veterans education benefits for their children are considered is factored in<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Gray family, shown just a few months before Maj. David Gray was killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Gray family<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n But <\/span>Gray said her religious convictions about marriage <\/span>outweigh those financial challenges, although in her case that\u2019s lessened somewhat because her new fiance serves in the military as well. She\u2019ll be able to stay on military health care, something that isn\u2019t an option for other widows who remarry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n More disheartening to the advocates than the latest legislative defeat was the reasoning. At the same hearing, Republicans approved several other program expansions without clear financial offsets. The rejection of Titus’ plan seemed arbitrary to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “I don’t think they’re heartless people,” Gray said of the panel. “I think they feel our loss. But the gravity of the work that it would take to fix this seems too much for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “But just show us that you are trying.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Leo Shane III covers Congress, Veterans Affairs and the White House for Military Times. He can be reached at <\/em>lshane@militarytimes.com<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Federal rules cut off survivor benefits for those who remarry after a military spouse’s death.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":103296,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-noindex":"","_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-nofollow":"","_yoast_wpseo_canonical":"","_acf":"","_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":25,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_smg_distribution_targets":{"4":{"categories":["veterans"],"primary_category":"veterans"},"5":{"categories":["veterans"],"primary_category":"veterans"},"6":{"categories":["veterans"],"primary_category":"veterans"},"7":{"categories":["veterans"],"primary_category":"veterans"}}},"categories":[103,15,18,25,88],"tags":[],"coauthors":[3347],"class_list":["post-115779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-military-benefits","category-news","category-pay-benefits","category-veterans","category-your-military"],"acf":{"subheadline":"","legacy_arc_id":"MBPB4SDT5RERLNVIWQRG25UJRE","arc_canonical_url":"\/veterans\/2016\/05\/14\/for-military-widows-the-law-protecting-their-benefits-discourages-finding-love-again\/","remove_feature_photo":false,"is_sponsored":false,"subtype":"","redirect_url":"","disable_inline_ads":false,"native_logo_pretext":"Presented By:"},"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/635987445293930303-imagejpg.jpg\")
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