{"id":36972,"date":"2018-04-22T14:51:35","date_gmt":"2018-04-22T14:51:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/militarytimes\/uncategorized\/2018\/04\/22\/heres-one-way-to-address-the-navys-financial-troubles-sponsorships\/"},"modified":"2026-08-08T18:52:26","modified_gmt":"2026-08-08T18:52:26","slug":"heres-one-way-to-address-the-navys-financial-troubles-sponsorships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/militarytimes\/commentary\/2018\/04\/22\/heres-one-way-to-address-the-navys-financial-troubles-sponsorships\/","title":{"rendered":"Here\u2019s one way to address the Navy\u2019s financial troubles: sponsorships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><i><b>Editor\u2019s note: <\/b>Navy Times is introducing a periodic humor column by one of your active-duty shipmates. The writer is an active-duty sailor who writes under the pseudonym <\/i><i>Jack Quarterman who also writes a Navy humor blog at <\/i><i> <a href=\"https:\/\/seastoriesandotherlies.org\/\">Sea Stories and Other Lies<\/a>. <\/i><i>He is not employed by Navy Times and the views expressed here do not necessarily represent those of Military Times or its editorial staff. <\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Languishing in the supply office hoping to place an order, I can\u2019t help but wonder why my chief hates me so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nothing in Navy life is quite as bad as trying to figure out how to get supplies out of a logistic specialist. It\u2019s like panhandling, except far less likely to succeed and far more humiliating. Just try it. If you are really lucky the LSs will send you away with a solid \u201cNo, we are never going to order this for you, so just give up now,\u201d then you can go on with your life. This only happens in dreams. In real life you have to figure out how to acquire the needed supplies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A sailor navigating the naval supply system is like a 3-year-old assembling a 1,000 piece puzzle of the night sky with 50 pieces swapped out from a different puzzle. Actually, it\u2019s worse since eventually the child will just give up but you, as the division RPPO (i.e. the poor soul who in charge of ordering supplies), do not have that option.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At this point, you will be tempted (and you would by no means be the first one to give into this temptation) to just go to the store and buy whatever it is you need. There are Navy ships in commission supplied primarily from the wallets of the sailors serving on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This problem is not the fault of the Navy\u2019s logistic specialists, who are fantastic people when you meet them out of their office (and I\u2019m not just saying this because I am a little scared of them). The problem is that due to massive funding cuts over the years, the Navy is pretty much broke. Unless you are SEAL Team Six, you won\u2019t receive supplies before the Earth crashes into the Sun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Since the Navy is in a bit of a financial crunch, we have to think outside the box. And I think I have the solution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Have you ever watched a NASCAR race? It\u2019s kind of like a sport, but instead of athletes engaging in athletics, drivers sit in cars for five hours and crash into each other at high speed, just like Los Angeles commuters. Every week, they demolish their cars in fantastic wrecks and the next week they have brand new cars again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How do they afford this? NASCAR has corporate sponsors. A lot of them, in fact. Literally everything in one of those races is an advertisement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is what the Navy needs. Think about it. Can you imagine, ships painted red with the Coca Cola logo on the side or blue ships endorsed by Miller Lite? The Marines could get in on it, too, with their tanks, armored vehicles, trucks or whatever they have, sponsored by large corporations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Just think of the funding. Do you think Coca Cola wants the ship with their logo to have rust on it? You would just call up Coke and ask for some red paint and it would be there. The best ships in the fleet would get better sponsors, too \u2015 third year with the Battle E and now you\u2019re getting better funding and a better paid crew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now I know what you are thinking: how could this actually benefit the companies sponsoring us? Who would see these advertisements? The enemy? Sure, I bet they\u2019d love a Coke, but since we\u2019re killing them, when would they get a chance to make a purchase? That\u2019s a fair point. They\u2019d have to televise operations a bit more. Just imagine the war coverage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWell, Bill, the invasion is going pretty slow here, the Bud Light ship just launched a couple of the Good Year LCACs, but I\u2019m just not seeing the commitment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWait a second, Earl \u2026 It looks like the Dunkin Donuts ship and Taco Bell ship just launched a couple dozen Snickers Tomahawk Missiles. Snickers, \u2018when you\u2019re not going anywhere for a while.\u2019 And, Earl, I don\u2019t think those guys they\u2019re shooting at will be going anywhere for a while either.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHeck no, Bill. I\u2019d hate to be on the receiving end of that attack. Those Snickers Tomahawks are carrying\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWhoa there, Earl, that\u2019s classified information. Let\u2019s just say that they\u2019re really powerful. Let\u2019s go to Joe Mitchell with our pilot house coverage on the number 77 Lowes ship. Thanks for tuning in; this war is brought to you by Red Bull. Red Bull gives you wings.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Wouldn\u2019t that be great? I bet we could even bring Task Force Uniform in on it, too. Instead of spending five years designing a ridiculous-looking uniform that melts to your body, we could have a ridiculous-looking fireproof jumpsuit provided by your ship\u2019s sponsors and adorned with their logos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I haven\u2019t even got to the physical fitness benefits, yet: if we approached it like a sport, we could even count a deployment as command PT. Congress should look into this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I realize that I have been a little hard on the supply program, and particularly the logistic specialists in this column. So I\u2019d like to say that if I have offended anyone, then, from the bottom of my heart, they can write their own column.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have some other great ideas that I would love to share but I have to run. We get underway tomorrow and the hardware store closes in an hour.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Introducing a periodic humor column by one of your active-duty shipmates.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":40785,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-noindex":"","_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-nofollow":"","_yoast_wpseo_canonical":"","_acf":"","_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":97,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_smg_distribution_targets":[]},"categories":[97,91,16,17],"tags":[],"coauthors":[2991],"class_list":["post-36972","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary","category-military-culture","category-off-duty","category-opinion"],"acf":{"subheadline":"","legacy_arc_id":"HD6V56N6P5BCVKPJIMPGLQF5EI","arc_canonical_url":"\/opinion\/commentary\/2018\/04\/22\/heres-one-way-to-address-the-navys-financial-troubles-sponsorships\/","remove_feature_photo":false,"is_sponsored":false,"subtype":"","redirect_url":"","disable_inline_ads":false,"native_logo_pretext":"Presented By:"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.0 (Yoast SEO v28.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Here\u2019s one way to address the Navy\u2019s financial troubles: sponsorships - Military Times<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Introducing a periodic humor column by one of your active-duty shipmates.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Here\u2019s one way to address the Navy\u2019s financial troubles: sponsorships\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Introducing a periodic humor column by one of your active-duty shipmates.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" 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