{"id":16591,"date":"2020-04-27T18:27:27","date_gmt":"2020-04-27T18:27:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/uncategorized\/2020\/04\/27\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/"},"modified":"2026-08-08T05:44:30","modified_gmt":"2026-08-08T05:44:30","slug":"how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/opinion\/commentary\/2020\/04\/27\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/","title":{"rendered":"How becoming a long-distance mom prepared me for COVID-19"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One day, as if by magic, everything changed. I didn\u2019t know what tomorrow would bring, I couldn\u2019t plan or predict my next move and I couldn\u2019t see a day when I would feel safe and at peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are two, distinct moments in my life that I experienced those exact feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first time I felt lost and unsure of my future was when my husband and I separated, and I decided to fly my 2-year-old daughter over 3,000 miles to live with him. The second time crisis struck my life was when the coronavirus epidemic hit the world. I\u2019d personally take the uncertainty of a pandemic over leaving my daughter, but it\u2019s that lonely and guilt-ridden experience that prepared me for resiliently dealing with this epidemic and any crisis that crosses my path.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After six years together and trying to make it work, my ex and I decided to separate last year. One day after what felt like years of trying to make it work, I realized I was fighting for something that wasn\u2019t possible. Our individual growth and happiness were sending us down completely different paths \u2014 and that was terrifying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We mutually decided to split. He went to our hometown in Washington, to the support of his family. I stayed at MacDill with our daughter, Isabel \u2014 alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s no amount of words to describe the guilt and responsibility that suddenly hit my shoulders and I wasn\u2019t being kind to myself in the process. I was so focused on being that happy, healthy mom that I didn\u2019t realize how much painful growth I had to allow myself to go through before I could be that person. I was handling a family-size load of responsibilities at home while taking on more at work \u2014 I didn\u2019t allow myself time to breathe and decompress all the emotions I was feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As a result, Isabel clung to me \u2014 physically and emotionally. She still wasn\u2019t speaking and was stuck to my hip, crying whenever we were around other people. My instability was affecting her. It was time to ask for help, so I asked her dad to take her for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He was ecstatic to see his daughter and she was surrounded by family \u2014 vastly different than her environment with me. She started speaking, she was enjoying playing with her cousins and bonding with her aunts and uncles \u2014 she was doing so well. I had to accept the fact that right now she was exactly where she needed to be \u2014 away from me. After heartbreaking talks with my ex, my family and my wingmen, I decided to switch up the stereotype and have my daughter live with her father full-time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After that decision, I started allowing myself to adjust to this new life of being a long-distance mom instead of beating myself up about my choices this far. I visit my daughter as often as possible; I video chat with her multiple times a day and I take care of her financially since I can\u2019t physically be there. My ex and I are happier on our own and are better parents because of it; we work better together now than we ever did and I get to see Isabel blossom from our individual happiness \u2014 even if I don\u2019t get to be a part of her day-to-day growth right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I won\u2019t lie to you, there\u2019s still so much sadness and uncertainty \u2014 I don\u2019t know when I\u2019ll be physically reunited with her for good. But I take it one day at a time and the guilt of being away from her becomes easier to acknowledge and move on from as time goes by. That\u2019s all we can do during this pandemic, right? Take it one day at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can try, but in the end you\u2019re given this life to learn and to grow. I was tossed down this path of uncertainty for a reason and as hard as it is, it\u2019s taught me that as long as I allow myself to go through the mess however I need to, there\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t get through. We all have different things to overcome during this time of isolation and sickness. We all are grieving something lost due to this worldwide pandemic: our routine, our friends and family and unfortunately for some, the loved ones we\u2019ve lost to this virus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So, here\u2019s some unsolicited advice: Be kind to yourself during this pandemic. We are all doing our best to isolate, stay hygienic, reduce the spread of this contagion and somehow maintain an ounce of normalcy. Everyone grieves differently and this pandemic is just as much a time of loss as any other. Allow yourself time to think and grieve in your own way. Reach out to one another, support the growth of others and most importantly, yourself, during this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Don\u2019t skip the healing process and the panic \u2014 we\u2019re in this together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><i>This piece originally appeared on the <\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.macdill.af.mil\/News\/Commentaries\/Article\/2153576\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/\" target=\"_blank\"><i>MacDill Air Force Base website<\/i><\/a><i>.<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><i>Staff Sgt. Heather Fejerang is a broadcast journeyman at the 6th Air Refueling Wing located at MacDill Air Force Base, Tampa, Florida. She is responsible for managing social media operations on behalf of the 6th Air Refueling Wing, the base host unit, as well as providing video documentation and support for the wing and its tenant units including U.S. Central Command and U.S. Special Operations Command. <\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><i>Editor\u2019s note: This is an Op-Ed and as such, the opinions expressed are those of the author. If you would like to respond, or have an editorial of your own you would like to submit, please contact Military Times managing editor Howard Altman, <\/i><a href=\"mailto:haltman@militarytimes.com\"><i>haltman@militarytimes.com<\/i><\/a><i>.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Take the time you need to grieve something you have lost in this time of pandemic, says the author of this commentary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":38524,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-noindex":"","_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-nofollow":"","_yoast_wpseo_canonical":"","_acf":"","_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":73,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_smg_distribution_targets":[]},"categories":[73,101,12,26,14],"tags":[],"coauthors":[3885],"class_list":["post-16591","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary","category-daily-news-roundup","category-news","category-newsletters","category-opinion"],"acf":{"subheadline":"","legacy_arc_id":"WCWYEVUQR5B3RFCRBVAFYQ6FEM","arc_canonical_url":"\/opinion\/commentary\/2020\/04\/27\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/","remove_feature_photo":false,"is_sponsored":false,"subtype":"","redirect_url":"","disable_inline_ads":false,"native_logo_pretext":"Presented By:"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.0 (Yoast SEO v28.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How becoming a long-distance mom prepared me for COVID-19 - Navy Times<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Take the time you need to grieve something you have lost in this time of pandemic, says the author of this commentary.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/militarytimes\/commentary\/2020\/04\/27\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How becoming a long-distance mom prepared me for COVID-19\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Take the time you need to grieve something you have lost in this time of pandemic, says the author of this commentary.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/opinion\/commentary\/2020\/04\/27\/how-becoming-a-long-distance-mom-prepared-me-for-covid-19\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Navy Times\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-04-27T18:27:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-08-08T05:44:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Staff Sgt. 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