Military parents can learn from 18-year-old Sophie Roth-Douquet’s words. The biggest difference for her, she said, was the way her parents always seemed unaffected by the move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Now I realize how upset my parents must have been each move to leave their friends and life, but on moves when I was younger, I had no idea. My parents always acted strong and unaffected by the move, which gave me a reliable anchor during the inevitable uncertainty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“If my mom had talked at length about how much she was going to miss her friends, or how uncertain she was about whether she would be able to find a job, each move would have been infinitely more difficult for me.” The last time they moved, she was 16. When Sophie was in the 10th grade, she was in her 10th school, said her mom, Kathy Roth-Douquet. The family moved a lot\u00a0\u2014\u00a0three foreign countries and five states\u00a0\u2014\u00a0before her husband retired last year from the Marine Corps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kathy Roth-Douquet, who is also president of the nonprofit Blue Star Families, said the organization co-hosted some conferences featuring behavioral therapists that especially helped her. One researcher discussed evidence that kids on sports teams transitioned best to new schools, because they had a subgroup to be a part of from the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So I started to make sure to get my kids on a sports team, and that did seem to help,” she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Another idea I love, and that research supports, is that the most important factor to your child’s well being is the mother’s well being. So I remind myself not to feel bad if I need a break\u00a0\u2014\u00a0if I need to take a bath, or take a rest, or watch a TV show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We have to balance everything out, and it can be a tough lifestyle we live. We can’t always do everything we want to do. We have to not make ourselves crazy if we can’t do it all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Kids think it’s a treat to have cereal for dinner. If you need to do that occasionally, don’t worry!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daughter Sophie says she\u00a0also enjoyed getting to go out to eat more during PCS moves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“My family usually has home-cooked family dinners; we rarely go out to eat. \u2026 When we first move to a new area, that’s when we don’t really have a functioning kitchen or silverware, and we get to go out to eat almost every night, which I personally find amazing. It kind of made the move feel like a vacation until we were settled in.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
Army wife Corie Weathers, who is also a counselor, said it’s important to understand kids’ feelings during the move, and perhaps look for ways to help them get rid of nervous energy. That might mean scheduling time in a place where there are fewer rules\u00a0\u2014\u00a0like the kind of rules you have to follow when you’re in a car or a hotel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During their move in December to Charlottesville, Va., from Fort Jackson, S.C., she said,\u00a0her boys “talked nonstop for three days, even reading every street sign. We thought, ‘This just cannot go on.’ We took them to a place where they could spread out and feel freedom. We went to a kids’ museum, where they could touch things.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kathy Roth-Douquet said she learned from Blue Star Families’ research surveys that kids can overcome tough times if they think it’s for a purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We move because our family stands for something. We are doing something important for the country, and that makes it worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“This helps all of us remember why we do it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And for many military families, there comes an interesting moment “when the move reminds you of how your family is home,” Weathers said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“As long as we have each other, that’s all we need. Stuff is just stuff.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n