{"id":77192,"date":"2023-04-28T22:13:33","date_gmt":"2023-04-28T22:13:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/uncategorized\/2023\/04\/28\/an-interior-designer-remakes-jack-teixeiras-camo-bedroom-monstrosity\/"},"modified":"2026-08-08T16:05:21","modified_gmt":"2026-08-08T16:05:21","slug":"an-interior-designer-remakes-jack-teixeiras-camo-bedroom-monstrosity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/off-duty\/military-culture\/2023\/04\/28\/an-interior-designer-remakes-jack-teixeiras-camo-bedroom-monstrosity\/","title":{"rendered":"Interior designers remodel Jack Teixeira\u2019s camo bedroom monstrosity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Massachusetts Air National Guardsman Jack Teixeira is alleged to have made no shortage of questionable decisions of late; reports of Teixeira spilling state secrets on Discord, maintaining a personal firearms cache, and spewing hate messages on social media have circulated faster than \u201cwoke\u201d in a Facebook comment thread.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Nothing, however, is quite as offensive as Teixeira\u2019s repulsive bedroom, the photos of which reveal a space oozing with revolting decorative touches that seemingly cry out for the help of any who possess interior design taste that exceeds that of a fourth grader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s get to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Starting with the walls<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The curdled cream yellow color forming the foundation of the haphazardly placed brown and green camouflage wall stickers is putrid. No one, to our knowledge, has ever willingly dwelled amid blister pus-colored walls \u2014 until now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We suggest swapping in an elegant sage green, sans camo, that could still convey a sense of military pride while implying at least a modicum of taste that suggests to visitors, \u201cHey, I\u2019m an adult.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Speaking of wall stickers&#8230;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If the camouflage stickers plastered over every square foot of vertical space weren\u2019t enough to rob any unfortunate visitor of their eyesight, Teixeira made sure to seal the vision depriving deal by inexplicably adorning a space normally reserved for a bed\u2019s headboard with a peel-and-stick Abrams tank.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Much like the subject of the sticker, the idea tanks Teixeira\u2019s room. To harmonize with the sage walls, we recommend installing a bamboo colored bed. Realistically, however, <i>any<\/i> bed and headboard \u2014 a poorly assembled model constructed with grocery store shipping crates, for example \u2014 would provide a significant upgrade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Also, a mattress on the floor? Gross. One might as well just opt for a full tank bed \u2014 much like this gun turret-equipped model <a href=\"https:\/\/www.etsy.com\/listing\/892654053\/tank-bed-plan-kids-bed-plan-furniture\" target=\"_blank\">seen on Etsy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Fabrics<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The choice of sky blue bedding does not mesh with &#8230; well, anything, especially not the window-blocking camouflage netting Teixeira installed for vampirical UV protection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dark green curtains would continue Teixeira\u2019s patriotic theme while contrasting delightfully with the sage green and bamboo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Of course, anything that emits natural light is a step in the right direction, unless Teixeira\u2019s goal was to craft an underground bunker where he can slowly transform into the cape-donning Orin from \u201cParks and Recreation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If a doomsday prepper bunker <i>is<\/i> the goal, the fan light fixture, at the very least, should be swapped for something a bit more thematic \u2014 perhaps <a href=\"https:\/\/www.build.com\/product\/summary\/113855?uid=811879&#038;jmtest=gg-gbav2_811879&#038;inv=1&#038;&#038;&#038;&#038;&#038;&#038;source=gg-gba-pla_811879!c1711171822!a68353849193!dc!ng&#038;gclid=Cj0KCQjw3a2iBhCFARIsAD4jQB2fu7qFJyIpLhH3V-ODEbQuYojzNfAgztC61Cv5rFSvIdnYU9Wlm6EaAnccEALw_wcB&#038;gclsrc=aw.ds\" target=\"_blank\">outdoor wall sconces<\/a>. These classics are all the rage in mine shafts and fallout shelters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">That shelving thing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The military often uses grey, green and brown filing cabinets to store its wares, and this cedar shelving unit simply cannot abide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There\u2019s just no stylish way to allegedly stash top secret documents in a storage space without proper drawers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We suggest upgrading to a dresser, cabinet or even an armoire that could also house what is sure to be Teixeira\u2019s expansive collection of camouflage clothing, shirts with comically aggressive messaging and Punisher stickers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><i>Disclaimer: This is satire and not the perspective of a licensed interior decorator.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>His spartan bunker of a bedroom could do with a real makeover.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":108695,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"single-post-observation-post","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-noindex":"","_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-nofollow":"","_yoast_wpseo_canonical":"","_acf":"","_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":68,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_smg_distribution_targets":[]},"categories":[101,23,89,68,12,26,13,65],"tags":[],"coauthors":[3271,3413],"class_list":["post-77192","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-daily-news-roundup","category-home","category-middle-column","category-military-culture","category-news","category-newsletters","category-off-duty","category-your-navy"],"acf":{"subheadline":"","legacy_arc_id":"DE67RQGFANG2JCSPYXSVYEH7D4","arc_canonical_url":"\/off-duty\/military-culture\/2023\/04\/28\/an-interior-designer-remakes-jack-teixeiras-camo-bedroom-monstrosity\/","remove_feature_photo":false,"is_sponsored":false,"subtype":"observation-post","redirect_url":"","disable_inline_ads":false,"native_logo_pretext":"Presented By:"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v26.0 (Yoast SEO v28.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Interior designers remodel Jack Teixeira\u2019s camo bedroom monstrosity - Navy Times<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"His spartan bunker of a bedroom could do with a real makeover.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Interior designers remodel Jack Teixeira\u2019s camo bedroom monstrosity\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"His spartan bunker of a bedroom could do with a real makeover.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/one.sightlinemg.com\/navytimes\/off-duty\/military-culture\/2023\/04\/28\/an-interior-designer-remakes-jack-teixeiras-camo-bedroom-monstrosity\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Navy Times\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-04-28T22:13:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-08-08T16:05:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sarah Sicard, J.D. 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