There are a few things in life that all humans have in common. We all experience periods of happiness and sadness. We all eat, drink, and sleep. And we all worry. Worry is woven throughout our DNA.
Americans spend billions of dollars each year trying to rid themselves of it. We go to therapy, take powerful medications, and drop good money on programs and retreats that promise earth-shattering results. Sometimes these methods work, but many times they don’t.
The reality is that you don’t have to rid yourself of worry. In small amounts, worry helps you prepare for the unexpected and solve problems that confront you at work and home. But, the keyword is small. Too much worry will lead to indecisiveness and additional emotional distress.
Before you try the methods mentioned above, I’d like you to try the three-step technique below — let yourself worry. Yes, that’s right. I want you to worry. The catch is that you can do it only at specified times.
Step 1: Create a designated worry time that lasts for 20 minutes at the same time each day. An example is 6:00 to 6:20 p.m. Make sure that the place you choose is quiet and free from interruptions (leave your cellphone in the other room).
Step 2: Throughout the day write down any worries that pop into your head. For example, if you start worrying about next month’s rent while standing in the commissary line, write it down. Then tell yourself you’ll worry about it during your designated worry time.
Step 3: During your designated worry time, worry until your heart’s content. Worry about whatever you want to. Worry, worry, and worry some more. But, stop after 20 minutes. This is all you get. If there are things you still need to worry about, put them on tomorrow’s worry agenda. If you find that you don’t need the full 20 minutes, find something else to do.
The best part of this technique is that it allows you to postpone your worry. By not getting bogged down with worry during the day, you’re able to focus on important things like finishing tasks at work, taking care of the children, paying bills, and so on. You still allow yourself the opportunity to worry about whatever’s bothering you. You just become a more effective and efficient worrier. Don’t be surprised if after a few days you find that you don’t need the full 20 minutes.
Bret A. Moore, Psy.D., is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. Email him at kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance.
